This One's to Silver Linings

I’ve felt like a tourist up until today.  As much as I’ve tried to acclimate myself to thinking of Oxford as “my town” for the term, I have mostly just felt like an uncomfortable long-term visitor.  Today, however, I went out alone for the first time.

First, I went to a cash machine (ATM).  It didn’t work, and then I figured it out, and that was the first small triumph of the day.  Then I went to the lower reading room at the Radcliffe Camera and they had the books I ordered.  Second triumph.  I finished one of the books.  Third triumph.  I delivered my rent money.  Fourth triumph.  I arrived at my tutor’s office early and got incredibly excited about what I am going to be learning this semester.  Fifth triumph.  And then I went to a wonderful little hole-in-the-wall art store and bought myself a hard-bound sketchbook and charcoal pencil, and both the “unnecessary” purchase itself, plus the item of purchase, made me feel almost giddy with independence. 

I walked everywhere and back again without once getting lost.  I am recognizing streets and can orient myself knowing which way is north or south or east or west at any given time.  My legs are getting more used to the distances.  I’m evolving.

I came home, I  made dinner, I drew a sketch in my sketchbook, and now I am going to make a new cup of tea and continue to work on a novel that is quickly becoming very easy to write, which always means that I am on to something good. 

All in all, I am in a very good place right now, and after some very frustrating financial pickles (which many of you helped me out with quite generously despite my protestations), I finally can rest easy knowing that I can maybe even buy a hot chocolate on the way home from St. Cats if it’s especially cold.

It also helps that I skyped with Phil for the first time since I’ve been in England.  It was hard not to hear his voice for two weeks (I don’t have a phone while I’m over here) or see his face. 

I suppose this is what it feels like to “settle in.”  And it is quite a nice feeling.  I think my daily routine is going to look a little something like this:

1. Make a cup of tea then bring it back upstairs and drink it in bed.
2. Work on the Writing Project of the Day.
3. Go the Bodleian and read for a few hours.
4. Meet my tutor if it’s a tutorial day.
5. Go home.
6. Cook dinner.
7. Read more.
8. Make tea.
9. Do a sketch.
10. End with more work on the Writing Project of the Day.

This may seem unbearably boring to some, but it is a sort of creative utopia for me.  I get adequate sleep, adequate nutrition, and adequate time to sit and putter about with books.  What more could I want?  Even the fact that the people I love most are not with me forces me to fill my time with creative pursuits.  I don’t have a TV, I don’t have Netflix Instant Play or Hulu or Pandora.  I have the music I brought with me and Microsoft Word and lots of time.

I’ve always believed that the more restrictions one has, the more creative one is forced to become, especially after Michael Smith introduced me to the film The 5 Obstructions.  With very, very little to distract me, my mind is free from the demanding chatter of concern and fatigue and over-commitment.  I am capable of devoting my attention to one thing, and it amazes me that I was ever able to get work done before.

So this one’s to settling in.  And for finding the silver lining on things like separation, the unknown, and untested independence.