I'm Back.

I took yesterday off. I mean, it was a Saturday, so you’d think that would be normal, but it’s Oxford, and people are either drinking or in the library. As for me, though, the week was so inexplicably upsetting that I couldn’t just dive back into work. So I slept til noon, caught up on some…perhaps not-entirely-legal UK-low-res episodes of Castle, didn’t get out of my pajamas until 6pm, read a novel (that was actually for my tutorial, but it’s a novel, so it didn’t feel like work) while drinking frozen pear cider, and then Skyped with Phil for two hours which was therapeutic. I miss him so much sometimes.

At the moment I’m listening to Set Fire to the Third Bar by Snow Patrol and it’s got this haunting quality that makes me want to put the volume all the way up and let a slideshow of associated memories play across the backs of my eyelids.

It is good to be back. Despite the fact that it was super hard to get up this morning (I went to bed at 2am), the lethargy is gone. I can look at the essay topics for this week and the stacks of books and think, “Okay. This may not be fun, exactly, but it will be very interesting.”

And if I need a break, I work on a tattoo. Lucy’s tree or Kelsey’s peace or Ryan’s music or Melissa’s sunrise. I’m actually trying to come up with something for myself to get while I’m here in Oxford (I found this really cool artist who owns her own studio; I’m interviewing her for a possible screenplay concept), but so far everything I come up with turns into something else that’s either not a tattoo, or not a tattoo for me. It’s nice, though, after having sat still for so long that I can no longer feel my lower extremities and my eyes want to pop out of my head, to go sit at my desk and pull out my sketchbook and fiddle with this design and then that design, cycling through them as the inspirations strike.

The one thing that’s putting a slight furrow in my brow is my driver’s license. I can’t find it. I’m able to use my International Student ID card to buy alcohol, but I kinda just want my license to, y’know, have. So I can drive. My license expires in October anyway, though, so maybe when I get back in April I’ll just apply for a California license. That’s a big step, though. That’s a commitment to really, actually live in LA after I graduate. I don’t want to live in LA. I want to work, but I don’t like LA. I have a grudging respect for its sort of downtrodden, grubby urban beauty, but it has yet to claim a place in my heart. Perhaps with time.

Oh! And one of my problems has been solved. I think I mentioned that the last day we stayed in London I lost my camera somewhere, probably in the hostel. I didn’t realize it until we got to Oxford. Luckily, my chip was still in the card reader in my laptop, but the camera itself was gone forever. This, naturally, upset me quite a bit. I told Phil about it because that’s the sort of thing you tell your boyfriend even though they can’t do anything about it. After that, I resigned myself to being camera-less in Europe and sometimes snagged Nicole’s to take a snapshot of whatever design I was working on, but other than that knew I wouldn’t have any pictures of my stay here.

Lo and behold, on Monday a delivery-man came to our door. Mike signed for the package and brought it up to my room. I sliced open the tape with my Leatherman and stared at the camera inside. It never occurred to me that Phil would send me his old camera. I didn’t even know he had an old camera. But there it was, an early-generation Canon Powershot with 4 rechargeable batteries and a battery charger and, well, I have a camera now and I am quite, quite happy, which is such a ridiculous understatement. The batteries are really old and won’t re-charge, so I have to go find batteries, but psh, I can handle that.

This is especially convenient since I’m spending almost a week in Paris this March. I think it should be illegal to go to Paris without a camera. That’s just…wrong.

Speaking of traveling, when it comes time for the term to end and I’ve got 20 days in Europe, I think I’m going to avoid planes as much as possible. I keep hearing about these trains that travel from country to country and go through gorgeous mountain ranges and valleys and I feel like that would be one of the best ways to see things, from the window of a train.

The first couple weeks here, in London and Oxford, I had so much time on my hand (and so little internet) that I got a lot of writing done. But with tutorials and wanting to occasionally sleep, even if I do have the time, I’m so tired that writing more words on the page, even ones that will only be evaluated by me, seems way too hard. So I hope that while we’re in Paris and while I’m sitting on a train winding through Germany, I can find the peace of mind to work on a few things.

Speaking of working, I should get to the library. It’s a Sunday morning and part of me thinks I should find a church. But I haven’t gone to church in years, and it feels weird to go just because I’m in Oxford. Perhaps the issues I have with it won’t be present in Europe. I don’t know. There’s a place down the street from me, not even a ten-minute walk. I should try and go next Sunday. Today, I’m going to the library. That’s a sort of sacred place. Primark isn't, though, and I'm stopping in there first to buy a pair of shoes. I've wanted to buy shoes since I got here because they have the most adorable roughed-up European boots and I'm trying to be careful with my money but apparently Primark has shoes for 7 pounds, which is insane. I only spend about 14 pounds on food per week, but that's because I shop at Aldi's and make sure that each item is under a pound. Like the sketchbook, I think I'm going to splurge on a pair of 7 pound shoes. Shoes lighten the soul.

I am glad to be back.